Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I like free stuff

Today was free cone day at Ben & Jerry's, and $.50 iced coffee day at Dunkin Donuts.
Why, you might ask, do I mention this?
All in good time, my dears. All in good time.

First of all, the weekend was great. Billy (my boyfriend) and I participated in campus scavenger hunts, community day festivities, and a long hike to the nearby Elizabeth Park, which happens to be the oldest municipal rose garden in the United States. The roses aren't in bloom yet, but we had a grand time strolling the pathways and feeding the giant coi fish in the ponds before heading back to campus for a cookout.

After a weekend full of sunshine, spent surrounded by loving friends and relaxing activities, you can, I'm sure, imagine my disappointment upon finding that things aren't so great at home. First Dad called...then my sister called...then Mom called..."This doesn't bode well," I thought.

I was right. Turns out, Mom asked Dad to move out for a while so that he can get his life under control. Without saying too much, I can't say I don't understand. I may even, to a small degree, agree with that. However, I can't, no matter how hard I try, focus on school and social events when my family is falling apart.

Am I angry? Oh, you bet I'm angry. I'm so pissed it hurts. Really? Did any of this need to happen? As my mom said to me when she called, I know more about my parent's marriage than any of her other friends. Maybe even more than they do themselves. I don't pretend to like it. It can, in fact, be a little horrifying at times, and I sometimes think I may know too much. This makes it all the more frightening when I hear that my dad isn't living at home until further notice, because I've watched it progress for so long.

Which ties back into my ice cream and coffee opener: What better way to unwind after two days of gruelling family loathing and upset than a scoop of Mint Chocolate Chunk and an iced hazelnut iced coffee with cream and sugar? I haven't been sleeping at all lately, so the coffee (my fourth today...oops?) helped a lot. Now I'm settling in to do my German homework. I have to be up early to model a dress made of coffee filters for a friend's art class.

I know that my father, at least, sometimes reads this blog. I won't censor it for his benefit. This is here for me to rant and share. I don't want him to call me or e-mail me about what I've written here today. I don't want to know what my parents think about how I'm feeling right now. I'm not going to be over this for a while. I don't want to talk to anyone with whom I share blood.

I'm so, so tired.

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